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Friday, January 20, 2012
This Week's News - Desperate Times
Another story told of a woman who - shocker - offered up herself for sex to pay off a pawn debt. And her daughter - she offered up her daughter, too. What must she have pawned? I asked myself. That was so valuable that she would offer up this perverted menage-a-tois? A diamond tierra? A 1929 Rolls Royce Phantom once owned by Marlene Dietrich? The secret to cold nuclear fusion? A bust of Kitty Carlisle cast in solid gold? I read on. It turned out that she had pawned a laptop and needed to make a twenty-five dollar payment to keep it off the shelves. Oh, and her daughter was only nine years-old. Oops. A prediction from yours-truly that you can take to the bank: This will end poorly.
I was completely unaware that sex had become such a cheap commodity. Why, back in the day, it was a distant, beautiful treasure that was earned, usually through dogged diligence and money well-spent on dinner, movies, cheap liquor and condoms. Should one skimp on one or more of these time-tested ingredients for sexual conquest, one would most likely do without, having disrupted the delicate conquest-balance. A witty repartee and a nice cologne didn't hurt. And once sex with the object of one's desires had been obtained, one usually kept paying and paying - not just in dollars and cents, but in hours, days and months trying to figure a means of escape from the relationship through trickery, divorce or by following the nearly flawless FBI blueprint for witness-protection programs. Yes, it was an expensive proposition indeed. But after all, the conquest was the thing.
Now, the conquest is worth nothing more than a bag of greasy, deep-fried chicken-paste. Such are the times we live in. Granted, I will be perusing the flyers in this weekend's Sunday papers for McDonald's coupons and keeping my eye out for clever advertisements regarding "Back Seat Carwash" specials and "Cut-Rate McMUFFins".
The conquest is the thing, and these are indeed desperate times. And I certainly appreciate the value of a bargain.