Anyone who knows me is well-aware of the fact that I am no thrill-seeker. Given my irrational fear of the ocean, its inhabitants, land creatures with fur, birds, circus clowns, fire, helmets, heights, black licorice, things that go fast, polyester and children with two different-colored eyes, it would be tall order indeed for me to take on the role of thrill-seeker.
Yup - I don't trust him.
The very idea of jamming myself into what is basically an open-air double-decker bus and be sent wheeling into space is inconceivable. I would drop dead of fright while waiting (in chains and a straightjacket) in line to board the goddamn thing. And I am nearly certain that when the EMTs were removing the straightjacket and chains from my lifeless carcass I would have a foul surprise waiting for them in my britches.
Daredevils, in my opinion, are nothing more than fools. Monkeys without fur. I saw a vintage photograph of two dumbasses playing tennis on the wing of a biplane. First of all, I doubt that any serve made it over the net, since the plane was probably moving at two-hundred miles per hour or so... Every game would end love/love - a completely useless exhibition of devil-may-care tomfoolery. Second of all, as the pilot of such an aircraft, I would not feel at all comfortable flying around with these imbeciles hopping about on the wing of my plane. I saw another photo of Karl Wallenda of the Insane Flying Wallendas walking on a wire high over a baseball stadium in the break between games of a double header. In a shirt and tie. If he had fallen, I guarantee it would have taken forever to start the nightcap.
No desire for this. Zero.
I consider thrill-seeking a much-needed thinning of the herd. Eventually, these "adrenaline junkies" are bound to fall off the wing of the bi-plane with nothing to break their fall but the tennis racket clenched in their white, thrill-seeking knuckles and every generation or so, a couple of Wallendas topple from their high-wire into the swirling wind of the baseball stadium, mountain gorge or the urban air above the teeming city streets between the skyscrapers. And you can bet your life, I will be safe at home, wondering my leisurely walks through the neighborhood give me shin-splints.
So, have at it, thrill-seekers - you shall be missed. Until the next one comes along with a higher, faster plan of action.