I always wondered what that comment meant - "you're just cutting off your nose to spite your face..." What the heck? I suppose that this is a warning against some massive over-reation that could turn out to be more self-destructive than helpful... Or just a warning against slicing off your nose. Kind of grotesque, but apt, I guess. Maybe I would have said "Throwing out the fridge to spite the house", or "Tearing out the gas tank to spite the car", but it matters not. At least it wasn't "Feeding the kids to wild badgers to spite the family" and that's something.
Anywhow, I found a sterling example of a restauranteur cutting off his nose to spite his face - more literally, cutting off a high-falutin', free-spending client base to spite his business. Here's the skinny...
This fancy-pants restaurant owner in New York - let's call him "Mario", because that's his name - compared the banking industry to Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin over how the industry leaders "have kind of toppled the way money is distributed and taken most of it into their hands"... Apparently, the bankers, regardless of how much toppling and redistribution of wealth they have accomplished, have taken severe umbrage to being compared to a couple of vicious, wartime criminals responsible for the death of millions of innocents.
The bankers' response has been swift and bloody - a virtual Blitzkrieg on Mario's livelihood. One of the wealthiest industries in the world, most of whom are headquartered in New York City, have issued a boycott on Mario's establishments - the results of which could cost the restauranteur millions of dollars. With a menu featuring $15 appetizers, $20 first-courses, $30 main courses and $15 desserts, this boycott is costing Mario an average of $80 per boycotting individual, not including wine, taxes and gratuity. With wine ranging from $30 to $200 per bottle and more, this is a vicious, expensive kick to the checkered trousers.
The banks have declared to their staffs that they will no longer fund business lunches or dinners at Mario's restaurants and have strongly suggested that their employees no longer frequent these eateries - one claiming that he would rather "eat off a hot-dog wagon" than set foot in one of Mario's establishments.
So, here's the thing - the hell with the bankers. Who needs their filthy lucre anyhow - the way I see it, if the bankers stop indulging their banking hunger at Babbo and Del Posto, that will open up more tables for the common folk to come in and have dinner at a restaurant where they might have had difficulty finding a table previously. I have paid more for dinner in Phoenix than what Mario is charging - I would eat there - it sounds good. I like a good grilled ribeye - yum...
However tacky and politically-incorrect Mario might have been for comparing the banking industries to a couple of the most evil war-time criminals in history, I'm sure he was only voicing the frustrated opinion of millions of business and home owners in the country who have had zero luck when trying to work with these bankers over the last few years. Judging from the figures that I have mostly skimmed, there has been little success and the frustration is justified. Perhaps he could have compared the bankers to tomb-plunderers, or pirates... I doubt many of them eat at his restaurants.
All that said, Mario did indeed cut off his nose to spite his face - the lucky part is that I think the face has another nose that will spring up right behind it. And it will be a more handsome nose, I think.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Woman Steals Sandwich - UPDATE!
It appears as if the Great Safeway PR Machine has been rolled into action. If you recall, a pregnant lady and her husband were arrested for stealing a couple of sandwiches at a Hawaiian Safeway and their little daughter was taken away for safekeeping by the authorities while Mommy and Daddy sat in jail. No word was mentioned of what happened to the $50 in groceries they did purchase while the pair sat in stir. The couple had picked up the sandwiches while shopping and ate them as they made their tour of the aisles, then neglected to pay for the goods they had eaten. Even if the ommission of the sandwiches was not an oversight, I wrote that I thought carting them off to the hoosegow and snatching their daughter away was a bit overkill for the situation. I also wrote that the value of the sandwiches was $10 - apparently it was only $5, which actually makes the actions twice the overkill.
Not that I think stealing is right, mind you - I simply think that making the pair pay for the sandwiches and telling them sternly not to eat goods not yet purchased while they shop, regardless of how pregnant and famished you are, might have been a more prudent route for the management.
Regardless of my thoughts on the matter, Safeway has come out and stated that they will drop charges against the couple. Their child was returned, they got out of jail after posting $100 in bond and presumably got their $50 in groceries back. All should be right. Safeway also says that they will graciously rescind the year of banishment from the premises that had been levied against the two.
Wow.
By "forgiving" the thieves, Safeway has gone on the offensive with their defense. I am assuming that by taking this stance, the couple will feel so relieved that they are off the hook that they will not allow the simmering anger, humiliation and sense of injustice boil over into litigation. A good strategy - the mom has already come out and humbly apologized for neglecting to pay for the sandwiches and to say how grateful she was that this entire "horrifying" experience is over. Bravo, Safeway - it worked!
Here's my bet: Within a couple of weeks we will see more articles about this incident and the articles will involve litigation, more use of the word "horrifying" and eventually a settlement that has been reached to the satisfaction of all parties. I fear nothing will be written about the store manager being ceremoniously disemboweled in the parking lot and his head skewered on a pole for all to see for bringing on this firestorm of horrified disbelief and subsequent shame onto the once-squeaky-clean grocery chain. I am not a litigious person - in fact, it would be tough to find a litigious bone in my body, even using a litigation tuning-fork. That said, I hope the couple sues Safeway and that the settlement pays for their childrens' education and sets them up to live comfortably in Hawaii for the rest of their felonious lives.
There is a moral somewhere here. It may be that life will be easier and people happier all around if everyone just took the time to use a little common sense before they jumped into some irrational action.
Of course, it might just be that you should pay for your sandwiches.
Not that I think stealing is right, mind you - I simply think that making the pair pay for the sandwiches and telling them sternly not to eat goods not yet purchased while they shop, regardless of how pregnant and famished you are, might have been a more prudent route for the management.
Regardless of my thoughts on the matter, Safeway has come out and stated that they will drop charges against the couple. Their child was returned, they got out of jail after posting $100 in bond and presumably got their $50 in groceries back. All should be right. Safeway also says that they will graciously rescind the year of banishment from the premises that had been levied against the two.
Wow.
By "forgiving" the thieves, Safeway has gone on the offensive with their defense. I am assuming that by taking this stance, the couple will feel so relieved that they are off the hook that they will not allow the simmering anger, humiliation and sense of injustice boil over into litigation. A good strategy - the mom has already come out and humbly apologized for neglecting to pay for the sandwiches and to say how grateful she was that this entire "horrifying" experience is over. Bravo, Safeway - it worked!
Here's my bet: Within a couple of weeks we will see more articles about this incident and the articles will involve litigation, more use of the word "horrifying" and eventually a settlement that has been reached to the satisfaction of all parties. I fear nothing will be written about the store manager being ceremoniously disemboweled in the parking lot and his head skewered on a pole for all to see for bringing on this firestorm of horrified disbelief and subsequent shame onto the once-squeaky-clean grocery chain. I am not a litigious person - in fact, it would be tough to find a litigious bone in my body, even using a litigation tuning-fork. That said, I hope the couple sues Safeway and that the settlement pays for their childrens' education and sets them up to live comfortably in Hawaii for the rest of their felonious lives.
There is a moral somewhere here. It may be that life will be easier and people happier all around if everyone just took the time to use a little common sense before they jumped into some irrational action.
Of course, it might just be that you should pay for your sandwiches.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Pregnant Lady Arrested For Stealing Sandwich - That'll Show Her...
I was so appalled today by a news story that I read the whole thing, and if I read it properly, Safeway is in for a shit-storm. Apparently, a family decided to relocate to Hawaii - who wouldn't - and went shopping for groceries with their little girl. Mom was pregnant and they got lost on the way. So far, so good - how you get lost on the way to the store, I do not know, but I assume that Hawaii is overgrown with tropical trees and vines and there are snakes everywhere, so I give them a pass. I would probably wander around lost and staring upward at the untrustworthy trees myself, but then again, I am a pusscake and fear all things nature.
The family of three and a half made it to the store without incident, but Mom was famished and a little weak from the tiresome hike, what with being pregnant and all the inherent dangers of the walk. So, Mom and Dad grabbed a couple of sandwiches at the Safeway and ate them as they shopped. I assumed that they shared some with their daughter. The story did not say so, but it would be rather prickish not to, even if you were with-child and famished. At the end of their shopping expedition, they paid for $50 worth of groceries and proceeded to leave. Buuuut, they neglected to pay for the sandwiches and here's where things went south.
The family was stopped outside the store and accused of stealing the sandwiches. Fair enough, however, it's not like it was some shady homeless guy who had stuffed a handful of bloomers down the front of his pants, paid for a Slim Jim and split, in search of the nearest Mickey's Big Mouth - this was a family, toting along not only their youngster, but one in the oven. The family, supposedly realizing their error, offered to pay for the sandwiches. I'm sure there was a discussion on the food's deliciousness and how grateful the shoppers were that they were available to keep Mama from collapsing in distress, but the management and security team at Safeway would have none of it. They hauled the family up to the office, called the police and had the pair of adults arrested and their child taken away to protective custody.
WHAT THE FUCK?
How does something like this even happen? Granted, the $10 might have added an additional twenty percent to the purchase's bottom line, but I am nearly certain that the time and money wasted on this bad publicity, karma, and judgement will far outweigh the profits on the deli-meats. If I were King, I would have probably stopped the family on their way out, mentioned the sandwiches and then after they had offered to pay for the food, would haved shooed them on their way and voided the price of the goods at the customer service desk so my inventory would be in line. Or, I might have let them pay for the goods, if I didn't like the looks of them. Either way, I probably would not have called the authorities - not even in Hawaii. It just doesn't seem to be the right thing to do.
I understand that there are laws and laws need to be upheld. However, there is the letter of the law and the common sense that weaves its meandering way through our lives. We need to find a nice median on which to base our decisions. I say the same thing when I watch sports. Or attend a parent/teacher conference.
It is important that we are stewards of our communities and work in a diligent fashion to uphold the laws and bylaws that are the glue that keeps us safe, sane and relatively trouble free, but at the same time, we need to allow compassion and common sense to throw their two-bits into the pot. I hope the couple sues Safeway and I hope they win, so that this incident acts as a warning for all who do not think before they act. It may be that the facts have not been completely disclosed and this was a case of a modern-day Bonnie and Clyde having their way with the sandwiches of Hawaii, in which case I will eat crow (preferably grilled and served on a toasted sourdough with some spicy mustard and bitter greens), but until that time, I will continue to carry the torch for the pregnant and the famished.
The family of three and a half made it to the store without incident, but Mom was famished and a little weak from the tiresome hike, what with being pregnant and all the inherent dangers of the walk. So, Mom and Dad grabbed a couple of sandwiches at the Safeway and ate them as they shopped. I assumed that they shared some with their daughter. The story did not say so, but it would be rather prickish not to, even if you were with-child and famished. At the end of their shopping expedition, they paid for $50 worth of groceries and proceeded to leave. Buuuut, they neglected to pay for the sandwiches and here's where things went south.
The family was stopped outside the store and accused of stealing the sandwiches. Fair enough, however, it's not like it was some shady homeless guy who had stuffed a handful of bloomers down the front of his pants, paid for a Slim Jim and split, in search of the nearest Mickey's Big Mouth - this was a family, toting along not only their youngster, but one in the oven. The family, supposedly realizing their error, offered to pay for the sandwiches. I'm sure there was a discussion on the food's deliciousness and how grateful the shoppers were that they were available to keep Mama from collapsing in distress, but the management and security team at Safeway would have none of it. They hauled the family up to the office, called the police and had the pair of adults arrested and their child taken away to protective custody.
WHAT THE FUCK?
How does something like this even happen? Granted, the $10 might have added an additional twenty percent to the purchase's bottom line, but I am nearly certain that the time and money wasted on this bad publicity, karma, and judgement will far outweigh the profits on the deli-meats. If I were King, I would have probably stopped the family on their way out, mentioned the sandwiches and then after they had offered to pay for the food, would haved shooed them on their way and voided the price of the goods at the customer service desk so my inventory would be in line. Or, I might have let them pay for the goods, if I didn't like the looks of them. Either way, I probably would not have called the authorities - not even in Hawaii. It just doesn't seem to be the right thing to do.
I understand that there are laws and laws need to be upheld. However, there is the letter of the law and the common sense that weaves its meandering way through our lives. We need to find a nice median on which to base our decisions. I say the same thing when I watch sports. Or attend a parent/teacher conference.
It is important that we are stewards of our communities and work in a diligent fashion to uphold the laws and bylaws that are the glue that keeps us safe, sane and relatively trouble free, but at the same time, we need to allow compassion and common sense to throw their two-bits into the pot. I hope the couple sues Safeway and I hope they win, so that this incident acts as a warning for all who do not think before they act. It may be that the facts have not been completely disclosed and this was a case of a modern-day Bonnie and Clyde having their way with the sandwiches of Hawaii, in which case I will eat crow (preferably grilled and served on a toasted sourdough with some spicy mustard and bitter greens), but until that time, I will continue to carry the torch for the pregnant and the famished.
Monday, October 31, 2011
A Note to the Facilities Department of an Anonymous Fortune 500 Company...
TUESDAY, JUNE 15, 2010
To: Facilities From: Jerry Ford: Subject: Men’s Restroom, ****
To Whom It May Concern:
First of all, I would like to thank you for the prompt response to my letter of the 15th regarding the stagnant water pool near the smoking area by the volleyball courts. As you know, this could be an ideal breeding ground for mosquitoes and other bloodthirsty parasites that could possibly trigger an epidemic of West Nile Virus, or Valley Fever, which could actually decimate the smokers and their ilk quicker and even more efficiently than the aggressive cancers which will inevitably ravage their
voiceboxes and lungs, but I digress. Dumping 7 metric tons of kitty litter into the swamp was genius, although now we seem to have created a quagmire of quicksand that may prove dangerous in its stead. What toll this will take on the smokers only time will tell, but I call it a worthwhile and equitable tradeoff.
Also, the cleverly placed wasp-nest you jokesters attached to the underside of my desk was quite the folly. I suppose this was an affectionate practical joke to let me know that you appreciate my humble letters suggesting minor (but logical!)improvements to our building and grounds. Who would have known that such a small nest could hold so many wasps?! And on a side-note, I might have never discovered my allergy to wasp-stings were it not for your little prank. Anyhow, once the fog of pesticide had cleared and the emergency medical personnel had gone, and the talented backwoods gentleman in the fancy bee-keeper outfit had safely removed the nest, we
had quite the chuckle here in Learning and Development.
However, regarding the bathroom here at the home building: I was mildly chagrined to find that both of the motion-sensor paper-towel dispensers had stopped working after washing my hands yesterday, leaving myself and any other unfortunate users with no other recourse than waving our hands about like Al Jolson in blackface and wiping them on our trousers to get them dry. Now, I am a fan of technology as much as any other – in fact, I believe that once I get past the inconvenient habit of leaving my IPod, cellphone and any other miniature technological gizmo in my pants pocket and running them unmercifully through the laundry every other month, I will truly become a diehard fan.
But technology aside, does it not make sense to save money by forgoing the state of the art, motion sensors in favor of a reliable one with a hand crank? It’s not like I’m asking to return to hand-churned ice cream, though that would be a delight, or
silent films, I simply want to feel secure in the knowledge that I can wash my hands and saunter over to a paper towel machine and find a paper towel hanging there, instead of hermetically sealed inside the opaque machinery like the Goddamn Declaration of Independence. A side note: Beating the machine did little good; it only sprayed the water from my clean, clenched fists around the bathroom like a lawn sprinkler.
I know that there are some that will argue that the motion sensors prevent the spread of germs that can spread disease and famine and world hunger, but I beg to argue with these sissified morons that my hands are fucking clean when Iapproach the towel dispenser. In fact, that’s why I approached the dispenser in the first place – I just got done WASHING MY FUCKING HANDS. So hold your germophobic water until you get home and dry your hands on the nice “clean” linen towel on which your goddamned inbred, retarded syphilitic son probably wiped a booger from one of his six-fingered hands when he got done rubbing one out on your bathmat. That’s right, Lord Fauntleroy, play it safe.
I don’t mean to sound like sour grapes or anything – I just want to dry my hands on something other than my britches. I knowwhat goes on down there and that’s three weeks of sick days just waiting to happen.
As always, if there is anything I can do to assist, do not hesitate to let me know.
Regards, Jerry Ford
To: Facilities From: Jerry Ford: Subject: Men’s Restroom, ****
To Whom It May Concern:
First of all, I would like to thank you for the prompt response to my letter of the 15th regarding the stagnant water pool near the smoking area by the volleyball courts. As you know, this could be an ideal breeding ground for mosquitoes and other bloodthirsty parasites that could possibly trigger an epidemic of West Nile Virus, or Valley Fever, which could actually decimate the smokers and their ilk quicker and even more efficiently than the aggressive cancers which will inevitably ravage their
voiceboxes and lungs, but I digress. Dumping 7 metric tons of kitty litter into the swamp was genius, although now we seem to have created a quagmire of quicksand that may prove dangerous in its stead. What toll this will take on the smokers only time will tell, but I call it a worthwhile and equitable tradeoff.
Also, the cleverly placed wasp-nest you jokesters attached to the underside of my desk was quite the folly. I suppose this was an affectionate practical joke to let me know that you appreciate my humble letters suggesting minor (but logical!)improvements to our building and grounds. Who would have known that such a small nest could hold so many wasps?! And on a side-note, I might have never discovered my allergy to wasp-stings were it not for your little prank. Anyhow, once the fog of pesticide had cleared and the emergency medical personnel had gone, and the talented backwoods gentleman in the fancy bee-keeper outfit had safely removed the nest, we
had quite the chuckle here in Learning and Development.
However, regarding the bathroom here at the home building: I was mildly chagrined to find that both of the motion-sensor paper-towel dispensers had stopped working after washing my hands yesterday, leaving myself and any other unfortunate users with no other recourse than waving our hands about like Al Jolson in blackface and wiping them on our trousers to get them dry. Now, I am a fan of technology as much as any other – in fact, I believe that once I get past the inconvenient habit of leaving my IPod, cellphone and any other miniature technological gizmo in my pants pocket and running them unmercifully through the laundry every other month, I will truly become a diehard fan.
But technology aside, does it not make sense to save money by forgoing the state of the art, motion sensors in favor of a reliable one with a hand crank? It’s not like I’m asking to return to hand-churned ice cream, though that would be a delight, or
silent films, I simply want to feel secure in the knowledge that I can wash my hands and saunter over to a paper towel machine and find a paper towel hanging there, instead of hermetically sealed inside the opaque machinery like the Goddamn Declaration of Independence. A side note: Beating the machine did little good; it only sprayed the water from my clean, clenched fists around the bathroom like a lawn sprinkler.
I know that there are some that will argue that the motion sensors prevent the spread of germs that can spread disease and famine and world hunger, but I beg to argue with these sissified morons that my hands are fucking clean when Iapproach the towel dispenser. In fact, that’s why I approached the dispenser in the first place – I just got done WASHING MY FUCKING HANDS. So hold your germophobic water until you get home and dry your hands on the nice “clean” linen towel on which your goddamned inbred, retarded syphilitic son probably wiped a booger from one of his six-fingered hands when he got done rubbing one out on your bathmat. That’s right, Lord Fauntleroy, play it safe.
I don’t mean to sound like sour grapes or anything – I just want to dry my hands on something other than my britches. I knowwhat goes on down there and that’s three weeks of sick days just waiting to happen.
As always, if there is anything I can do to assist, do not hesitate to let me know.
Regards, Jerry Ford
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